Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
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