I want to make a zoo with you.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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