East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
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