Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
