my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Alive.
So much puke
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize