whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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