grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
