I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
