he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm like, not good at living.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
