Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
