haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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