I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
