If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
