a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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