i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
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