I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I love having hate sex.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
