Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
