forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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