I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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