you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
