i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
