obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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