My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
