omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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