Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My first STD was from a foam party
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life