ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)