The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT