I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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