I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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