Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
