This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
