what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
