you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
