I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
