i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
