When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
