How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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