Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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