Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
