Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
