I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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