debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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