we have officially mastered the walk of shame
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
