im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
