You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
