I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
