You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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