were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
