I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
