well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Barsexuality is the new black.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
