I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
