I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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