they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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