I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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