i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
The best revenge is premature balding
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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