Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
