Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Screwed.edu
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
