There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
