Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
