Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
