you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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