I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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