It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
