I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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