Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
