Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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