i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
