Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
