I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
