I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
