the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
