she was so not down for the gang bang
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
bring money and cleavage
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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