Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Apparently you make a good broom.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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