lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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