Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Randomize
