I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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