Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
