Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
3 2 1 whiskey
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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