I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
