Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
