My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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