I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
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